There once was a ghost name of Marley
Who tormented Scrooge most unfairly,
Ebenezer did boast
“I’ll do for that ghost
And stew Marley’s bones with some barley!”
Sound good to you? Why not give it a try? Just follow the recipe given below.
Marley’s corpse, de-fleshed
4 large onions
2 garlic bulbs
2 lb potatoes
lb pearl barley
4 quarts Virgin Mary stock (if you can’t find a virgin name of Mary you could substitute beef, chicken or pork stock – your choice)
Peel and chop onions and sweat in a little coconut oil in a large Dutch Oven over an open wood fire until translucent. If you don’t own a Dutch Oven you can use a cauldron, large zinc bucket, or empty oil drum.
Bash garlic bulbs between two large stones and drop into pot to fry lightly with the onions. (Not the stones you idiot!)
Stir in about half the stock and add Marley’s bones. Bring to the boil then reduce heat to a simmer by removing some of the wood from the fire: make sure not to burn your pinkies on the charred bits. Meanwhile peel and chop the carrots and potatoes into one inch cubes (that’s a bit bigger than an adult eyeball), then add to the broth.
Pour in enough of the remaining stock to completely cover the contents of the pot, cover with a tight fitting lid and simmer for 2 hours stirring occasionally while picking your nose and scratching your ass.
Add the pearl barley and stir in the remaining stock with a big stick, cover and simmer for a further hour ensuring the barley doesn’t stick to your bottom.
Fish out the bones and ladle the stew into scooped out gorilla skulls. Serve with sweetbreads (those are bits of guts, NOT bloody croissants or Danish pastries!).
This excellent dish is best when shared so make sure to invite the town floozy to join you for an evening’s eating, drinking and rampant sex.